Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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