Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
