i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
