I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
