I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
