***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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