We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
