Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
