D3 body, D1 cock
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the condom got lost in my hair
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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