Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
and you fell through a lawn chair
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
