So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
