Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She needs sedatives and a leash
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
