Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
