I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
