i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
