my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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