ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
