I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
