dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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