so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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