she woke up with a sticky ear
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
