dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
