I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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