His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
