Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
