nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
