Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
