He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
