wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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