I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
