Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
