So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
