if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Randomize
