Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
