i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
