Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
