There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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