Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
