About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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