what if every blade of grass was a penis?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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