Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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