i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
