Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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