You're my little dorito
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
