So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
