True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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