I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
