I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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