No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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