I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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