Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
