There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
