I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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